If you want to help someone, the first thing you need to determine is where they need help. That is pretty obvious! The problem is how to find out what a person really needs without being intrusive. Here is one question that often will do the trick.
"If you could change one thing about ...(your job, your condo association, your make-up, or whatever) what would it be?" Let's suppose you ask this about someone's job. When you listen, (and do note, you MUST listen) you will be surprised at the different things that really bother someone about their job. Here are a few examples,
* I don't get enough money
* I never have any free time
* I need more vacation
* I don't see retirement as an option
* I hate my boss
* I hate getting up early in the morning
* I hate working nights/weekends/split shifts/....
* I need to be creating a college fund for my kids
* I want to bring my wife home from work
* I hate working in a cubicle
* I want to spend time with my kids
The point is that if you are talking about more money and they want more time, you are not helping with THEIR pain. (Often we presume that they have the same pain that we do.)
Ask and then really listen. People will tell you what they want
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